Financial Caregiving 101

How to Avoid Caregiver Burnout

By
Donna Freedman
December 5, 2022

Many adults need help as they age with everyday activities because illness, a disability or cognitive decline makes it difficult—sometimes impossible—to get by on their own. They need someone to run errands for them, clean the house, cook meals, manage medications, help pay the bills, bathe, get dressed and the list goes on.

Often, all those roles are played by one person: a spouse or partner, or an adult daughter or son. The result of taking on this responsibility can be something called “caregiver stress syndrome”—a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion.

Caregiver stress syndrome happens when people are so busy taking care of a loved one that their own well-being suffers. They’re always preoccupied with meeting someone else’s needs that they forget their own—or feel guilty about having any needs at all because they’re not the one who’s sick.

Some caregivers insist on doing everything themselves because they feel it should be their sole responsibility. Others simply don’t want to burden other people, so they never ask for help. In time, they become so overwhelmed that they neglect their own needs or become unable to keep up the desired standard of care, which leads to more stress.

Causes of caregiver burnout

There’s an emotional aspect to caregiving, whether that’s tending to a spouse or partner or helping an aging parent. Spouses or partners who have to provide care for a partner carry an additional workload as well as the emotional trauma of seeing their significant others weakened or in pain. Adult children struggle with the role reversal of providing physical care and possibly making financial decisions for their parents.

Some other aspects that contribute to caregiver burnout:

• A lack of privacy while caring for someone else
• Difficulty balancing your loved one’s needs with those of your own family or workplace
• Emotional trauma associated with having to parent a parent or becoming a nurse instead of a partner
• Worrying whether there’s enough money to cover the sick person’s needs
• Concern about providing the best care for a loved one, especially if you don’t have help or if the loved one’s demands are unreasonable
• Unrealistic expectations about caring for someone with a progressive condition, such as holding out hope your loved one will get better

Caregiver stress signs

Caregiver stress syndrome warning signs vary because each situation is different. For example, someone with a lot of family members nearby to pitch in won’t be as physically burdened. Yet, even those lucky individuals can expect to experience some of the following stress-related symptoms:

• Feelings of sadness, helplessness or hopelessness; worrying about your ability to keep providing enough care
• Emotional and physical exhaustion, which may lead to your becoming sick more often
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Irritability; in serious cases, the desire to harm yourself or the person for whom you’re caring
• Being angry at the person who’s sick
• Changes in appetite or sleeping habits; inability to concentrate
• Lack of interest in things you used to enjoy

How to avoid caregiver burnout

Again, there’s no single, simple solution to such a complex situation. You’ll likely need to implement more than one of the following tactics.

Ask for help

Caregiver stress can be eased with regular help from family, friends or professional services. According to the National Institute on Aging, it’s best to be proactive: As soon as possible after a condition is diagnosed, set up a family meeting that includes the care recipient if possible. Zoom or FaceTime can loop in those who live far away.

Some families designate a primary caregiver to handle the day-to-day running of the household. Over time, that person will be able to refine the kinds of assistance needed and ask others to help provide it.

Physical help is likely needed, too: household chores, yard work, providing meals, running errands. Some or all of these tasks can be accomplished through paid services, with everyone chipping in to handle the cost.

It’s important to play to each person’s strengths and to recognize their limitations.

Look for respite care

If the patient decides to enter into hospice, Medicare will cover occasional inpatient respite care in an approved facility. The person in hospice can stay for up to five days at a time. This short but essential break can help their family avoid caregiver burnout. Ask the hospice provider to set this up.

Some long-term care insurance policies will also cover respite care to give the caregiver a break, typically for 14 to 21 days a year.

Join a support group

Your family and friends may be sympathetic. However, unless they’ve provided care, they can’t truly understand what you’re going through. Talking with others in the same situation is another way to help you avoid caregiver burnout.

The nonprofit Well Spouse Association can help you find (or start) a group in your area. There also are numerous caregiver support groups online and on social media sites.

Practice self-care

The reason the flight attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first is that you can’t help others if you’re incapacitated. It’s vital to schedule some breaks in your routine. This could be as simple as taking a short nap or a daily walk while a friend or relative holds down the fort.

Pay attention to what you’re eating, as a healthy diet is particularly important during stressful times.

The bottom line

Caregiving is an exhausting and emotionally wrenching job. You feel that you’re on call 24/7 and worry that you’re not providing the right amount of care. It’s essential to maintain your own physical and emotional well-being during this stressful time.